Hibernation – or what moves under the surface

It has been busy times here. So much to do in december and now again, in this brand new year, it seems like it is never stopping. I yearn to go deep in dwelling processes, creating and searching, and still tasks seem to present themselves with no end. I know you know this pressure thing. I am sure of it. It is part of living in this time, things tend to become pressing and you can almost feel your aura bend inward because of the pressure.

But there is something new next to this experience this time. Something that makes it less stressful than before. Maybe it is part of me getting more mature (In the end of this month I will turn 44, it does sound mature, right?) Or maybe it has got to do with the fact that this year I finally started painting on canvas again, and selling my paintings, after about 18 years of putting it off.

(Welcome maturity)

Yes, 18 years of moving all my stuff from house to house until one day years back I finally sold it all, thinking: If I am to paint, it will have to be a fresh start!!! And then one day this spring it was clear that it was time. Time to paint. Time to live not only the third or second best dream, but the dream that was almost too good to be true. The dream that, after all, was my first career choice, way back. I will tell that story here soon, promise.

(That´s me, shortly after starting to paint again, happy, happy)

A settlement has come to accompany me that says: “I am doing my best at what seems to be the strongest channel of joy I can offer the world right now. That is the best I can do.” Or, like the wonderful creative inspirator Julia Cameron says: “I will take care of the quantity, God will take care of the quality.”  There is more than us at stake when we create. But we do need to get the paint on the canvas. And to do that brings such a settlement in my life, even during testing or chaotic times.

(Finding oneself)

To paint and show my paintings to the world is the source of such a deep joy that I find it hard to describe. So, the new thing is that I am not as caught up in all the pressures I meet as I was earlier in life. I also know that the only way to calmness and deep breaths is to be calm and to take deep breaths. So simple and so hard when you are in the hurry of it all. I know deep down that it does not work to try to finish the to-do-list first, before I treat myself with respect. Because, that to-do-list may grow longer and longer, and it surely will controll me unless I take the lead.

(Heart, lift your wings of joy)

So the truth is, that in spite of all business, I had such a wonderful christmas-time and some very needed days off with my dear family. We were home, just the four of us and I could feel the deep, deep quiet in nature. And I simply began letting go. Letting go of all the cards I did not manage to write. Of the fact that I didn´t post here for sooo long. Of all the things I thought I should or would do. Many  small or big things. I let them go, and sank into this quiet deep being-state that is so readily available this time of year, if only we allow it a little space to work its wonders.

(Give time)

I heard winter-time described as the time of year where all life-forces move deep down under the surface where gems and juices are held and worked on by little dwarfs until next spring when it all comes gushing out into the seen world again. I love that thought. This was partly what inspired the christmas card (above) I painted for our village christmas card-prints this year. So here´s a new years toast to all that moves under the surface even when we feel we get nothing done. Who knows what may grow out of our pot next spring? On now, to dreams and visions for 2012.

(From the creative quickie book. The text reads: Imagine that you woke up one day and discovered something much greater than you ever expected growing out of your pot!)

About plans and hearts

As most woman on this planet, I plan my days. Often full with tasks and activity. Work and jobs to do, home-tasks, time for nurturing creativity, time to see doctors and to do shopping. Time for family. For friends. Alone-time?! Time to keep track of the plan of all of this, which sometimes seems impossible. And all those plans seem highly important. And at one level they are. Those plans are part of what we set out to do, how we choose to live, it fells like nothing must come in the way of that.

Until something does. Something that wasn´t part of the plan. Big or small. A snowstorm. A computer break down. An ill child. Or even a huge life change like a loved one dying. Something that draws you out of that fast linear gear and forces you into the only gear that can handle that sudden change of setting: heart-gear.

From the Creative Quickie book

(It reads: “today I let go of pressure, today – I keep an eye, a talent scout looking for grace. Thanks for all that is beautyful and good, thanks for fights that help us mature, and especially thanks for the ability to experience both at the same time and learning to love it.)

I first read of the term heart-gear in this little sweet companion of a book in secret nr 2. Heart gear has the ability to percieve many levels of life at the same time. It is never linear, but can move at high speed and at the same time be completely calm. Heart gear is full of understanding and forgiveness, yet fierce and “no messing” in what is really important and needs attention now.

Heart gear is what happens when we realise that this life is a concert and we are not the only player in the orchestra. So we start listening,  and may even enjoy that oboe we thought was just slow and depressing at first. We start playing in a more attentive way. And see the beauty in that, just how it is right now, messy or not, it is life.

Creative Quickie: (“Be here right now. Be with what is”)

Today I was, again, tested in my heart-gear-ability when I had to cancel several really important plans to stay home with my ill child. And it took a while, but I started enjoying the oboe now. Oh, and that cello…that concert.
Creative quickie
(“Gently let go now, all is well. The small beautyful details always inspired me. I become happy when something glows with fairytale and goodness. How do you know if something is goodness? It has an aura of warmth, fineness, beauty, harmony. It tells a story that lights in the dark.”)

Getting ready

I have been painting a lot lately,  lining up to the first exhibition this autumn starting in a weeks time. Here is one of the latest. I havent given it a title yet. To me this is two people, a man and a lady, or boy and girl. They are each being true to who they are. And because of this all kind of wonderful surprises can grow in their prescence and out of their pot.

Another creative quickie, part of my inspiration for the painting above:

Creative quickies

I have a book I name the “Creatve quickie-book”. My friend introduced me to the idea that a creative project can be really quick, like cutting out one picture that inspires you and gluing it into a book of inspirations. And it works, it unclogs the creative pipes and keep the channels open.  Once I found my way with this, I started loving it. Here is a glimpse:

The text in this one reads: CERATIVE QUICKIE – 7 golden rules:

1. Be yourself, always

2. I can truly help others by truly being myself

3. Creative expression needs a high priority, always

4. Gear down, nurture yourself, and good things can happen

5. Move! (body and mind)

6. Seek like-minded people and enjoy what you can bring each other

7. Closeness with yourself, your pictures and your family, step by step

And in the bubble: Ah, yes, the extra one: Practice!

It all was made very quick, no second thoughts, just doing it. Keeping the flow.

This page reminds me of a true indian-summer day in september. When you make creative quickies something unexpected may happen.  It reads:

Put on a red dress, red shoes and red lips and take your life for a ride!  A bit surprising to myself. Especially since I neither own a red dress nor shoes. And my lipsticks are never strong red. Maybe something to explore….

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